Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
