i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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