That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Can I color on your dick again?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
