It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
