My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So much rum. So many feels.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
