i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
