There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize