he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
