shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You ate ashes out of my bong
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
