I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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