WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
