You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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