I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
