it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
