dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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