Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
