It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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