please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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