I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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