I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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