Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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