3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wanna bring you to show and tell
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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