All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
