The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize