My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
