dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
