i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
