It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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