I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
