the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize