did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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