3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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