Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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