oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Found your dick twin last night
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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