what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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