Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I supernannyed him into submission
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
