Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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