..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just found puke in my bra..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
