Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Still dying that you shit outside
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize