we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
