She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
