My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Randomize
