So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I need to stop coming to work sober
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
A bitchslap is in order.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
