Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
