i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
