the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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