she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Two words: nipple clamps
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