the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just found puke in my bra..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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