Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
