I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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