Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
