my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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