He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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