i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
