I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
