One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i've created a new STD.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize