i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Mom said you looked used
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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