Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
