We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
