i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize