I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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