if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
