Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
