I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
