Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
