she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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