you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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